an exercise in patience

Trying to get this page to open on my laptop has been quite an exercise, but a blog post is needed.

I've responded to everyone's comment on the last post so I won't go over that material twice. They are still working on the internet out here. Anyone with enough motivation could stand to make some money if they could figure out how to make this work, look-up USComz. Anyway, since the last posting I've been staying busy and safe as usual, but now I get to add injured to the list. It didn't happen on a mission or anything, it's just age catching up to me. I've always had bad knees and it seems that they are getting worse. I was working on a trailer this past Saturday and just went to stand up to lend a hand. I was standing and turning at the same time and when I put weight on my right knee it popped and it seems I have a partially torn meniscus now. For those not familiar it is a tendon in the knee and apparently is fairly painful when pulled. There is nothing that can be done for it out here because it requires surgery to fix. Normally this is the kind of injury that would get a person sent home but our company is short handed and can't afford to loose anyone else at this point, even an injured person can do some work.

Yesterday I went in for a follow-up and they tried to drain the fluid off of the knee cap. I say tried because in order for it to be successful the patient needs to remain motionless. I did not. I've never had a needle that large in my knee before and it was a very unpleasant sensation. I'm on an anti-inflammatory and a fairly large pain killer to help deal with it but I won't be able to get it fixed until we return to the states. They also gave me a cortisone shot which didn't hurt nearly as bad as when they tried to drain it, and that seems to be helping a great deal. I can walk on the leg, but not well. I was on crutches for a few days but they say it will heal better if I try to walk on it as much as I can. For now I'm off of the road while it heels. I'm working in the base tire shop which is run by our company.

I'm not the only one with knee injuries right now so I've been getting some good advice on how to handle it and I'm confident that I'll be able to make a full recovery once I am home in El Paso, in the meantime I have to live with it. Luckily we are nearing the end of our tour, the countdown has begun. With any luck I'll pickup my E4, specialist rank, in October and that will feel good. I was close to getting it for September but I didn't have much time to study.

I'm working days for now, so as with the last entry that means I need to wrap this up so I can get some sleep. I'm trying to check my e-mail at jesse.c.pahman@us.army.mil as much as I can, but that site is also hard to load. I'll be home soon, and I look forward to sharing the experiences I've collected along this tour. I hope that you don't find I have changed too much, but I know that I have. Know that at some point I may snap for no good reason at all and that whoever or whatever it was I snapped at, it probably wasn't provoked. It happened once on R&R and I've seen a good deal more since then. I'm learning some Arabic as well and I will share what I know when we all get to meet again in person.

Until then, take care and know that despite how it may sound I am doing very well.

PFC. Pahman, Jesse C.
United States Army
Camp Taji, Iraq

An exercise in patience

Trying to get this page to open on my laptop has been quite an exercise, but a blog post is needed.

I've responded to everyone's comment on the last post so I won't go over that material twice. They are still working on the internet out here. Anyone with enough motivation could stand to make some money if they could figure out how to make this work, look-up USComz. Anyway, since the last posting I've been staying busy and safe as usual, but now I get to add injured to the list. It didn't happen on a mission or anything, it's just age catching up to me. I've always had bad knees and it seems that they are getting worse. I was working on a trailer this past Saturday and just went to stand up to lend a hand. I was standing and turning at the same time and when I put weight on my right knee it popped and it seems I have a partially torn meniscus now. For those not familiar it is a tendon in the knee and apparently is fairly painful when pulled. There is nothing that can be done for it out here because it requires surgery to fix. Normally this is the kind of injury that would get a person sent home but our company is short handed and can't afford to loose anyone else at this point, even an injured person can do some work.

Yesterday I went in for a follow-up and they tried to drain the fluid off of the knee cap. I say tried because in order for it to be successful the patient needs to remain motionless. I did not. I've never had a needle that large in my knee before and it was a very unpleasant sensation. I'm on an anti-inflammatory and a fairly large pain killer to help deal with it but I won't be able to get it fixed until we return to the states. They also gave me a cortisone shot which didn't hurt nearly as bad as when they tried to drain it, and that seems to be helping a great deal. I can walk on the leg, but not well. I was on crutches for a few days but they say it will heal better if I try to walk on it as much as I can. For now I'm off of the road while it heels. I'm working in the base tire shop which is run by our company.

I'm not the only one with knee injuries right now so I've been getting some good advice on how to handle it and I'm confident that I'll be able to make a full recovery once I am home in El Paso, in the meantime I have to live with it. Luckily we are nearing the end of our tour, the countdown has begun. With any luck I'll pickup my E4, specialist rank, in October and that will feel good. I was close to getting it for September but I didn't have much time to study.

I'm working days for now, so as with the last entry that means I need to wrap this up so I can get some sleep. I'm trying to check my e-mail at jesse.c.pahman@us.army.mil as much as I can, but that site is also hard to load. I'll be home soon, and I look forward to sharing the experiences I've collected along this tour. I hope that you don't find I have changed too much, but I know that I have. Know that at some point I may snap for no good reason at all and that whoever or whatever it was I snapped at, it probably wasn't provoked. It happened once on R&R and I've seen a good deal more since then. I'm learning some Arabic as well and I will share what I know when we all get to meet again in person.

Until then, take care and know that despite how it may sound I am doing very well.

PFC. Pahman, Jesse C.
United States Army
Camp Taji, Iraq

First blog post since R&R?!?

Can this really be my first posting since R&R? My blogger dashboard says it is but it doesn't feel right. In any event, I have been very busy the past few months, keeping my truck running and working towards that next promotion. I've been eligible for Specialist since May but unfortunately it's a big company and there are a lot of PFC's eligible for Specialist. I'm in line somewhere and by November I'll pick it up automatically anyway so I'm not stressing about getting it sooner anymore, if I do I do, if not, oh well.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel of this tour, we're looking at just over 3 months left. Naturally I cannot and will not post a return date on the web, but the end is near. I've seen far more of Iraq than I ever planned too and now that I'm wrapping up the tour, I can see myself doing it again. I'm not looking forward to it, but now that I know what to expect and what is required of me, I'm not worried about another tour or two; heck it's the cool thing to have 3 or 4 tours these days.

The weather has gotten very hot and looks to stay this way until at least the end of August. I still don't know much about when we'll be allowed to take block leave so that we can visit Michigan but expect me to be very bundled up, I've gotten accustomed to it being in the 90's all night and 110-130 during the day. It looks like I may finally be getting internet in my room in Taji. I am on the internet on my own laptop right now but I have to go outside to get a signal. They are in the process of running hard lines to all of the CHU's (container housing units) and the process should be done soon. When that happens I should be able to get online much like I was in VBC.

I don't have much time yet today before work so I'll wrap this up. I tend to get out after 1am my time which is 7 hours ahead for those of you on the east coast. I'm not always online, and the internet isn't always available, they seem to be working bugs out of the system yet, but when I can I will be online and looking for friends and family to chat with.

PFC. Pahman, Jesse C.
United States Army
Camp Taji, Iraq

"No Air" Update

Diana was nice enough to put the song on my Myspace so if you swing by http://www.myspace.com/jcpahman77 you should be able to hear it play.

Superman

Just some more song lyrics to think about. These are the things that keep me sane, although God only knows how.



I cant stand to fly
Im not that naive
Im just out to find
The better part of me

Im more than a bird...Im more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
Its not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Ill never see

It may sound absurd...but dont be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wont you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Its not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
Its all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
Im not crazy...or anything...

I cant stand to fly
Im not that naive
Men werent meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

Im only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

Im only a man
In a funny red sheet
Im only a man
Looking for a dream

Im only a man
In a funny red sheet
And its not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...

Its not easy to be me

"No Air"

Most of you who know me well know I live on and in music. "No Air" is a fairly new song, at least to me, that seems to be getting a lot of airplay down here. Anyway, I said that to say this; it nicely sums up how I feel. I'm sure not many of you know the song, I'm not even sure if most of you know the song so it might not be a good reference. But the chorus is something like without you there is no air. I get the feeling it's going to become a favorite song of mine the next few months in Iraq.

Very Early Wednesday morning I leave for Iraq. So tomorrow is my last real day here in the States. I've had some time to reflect on the past 17 days and I've made an observation. This 18 days has been as a dream come true. The problem is on Wednesday I wake up and have to return to what has been a reality for me for the past 8 or so months. I'm looking forward to about 6 more months before our tour is completed. Certainly there have been rumors and speculations as to whether or not we will do our full 15 months or not, but that is not for me to comment on. If I knew anything for certain one way or the other, that may be different, but I know no more than you do. To comment then would be naive. This I know, be it a 12 month tour or a 15 month one, I am prepared for whatever.

I know that when I come home again I have a wife and family waiting for me. Thanks to that wife I also have a REALLY large TV and nice stereo to come home to. Hey, I love my movies, but movie theaters freak me out. Besides it's nice to be able to invite a good group of friends over and enjoy a good movie, or just cuddle up with my wife and watch a touching movie together. I've met all our new neighbors now, or at least I think I have. The ones I have met I get along with, and they all care about Diana and most have kids that our play well with, so I know they are OK while I'm away.

I pray continually that I will be able to maintain better communications with those of you at home that are praying for me. Things are getting better for me over there. I have a new team leader who is a great guy that I get along very well with and I'm getting used to "the way things are". It's a lot to get used to. Being so far away from normal life. It doesn't help that nothing out there even vaguely resembles home. The entire landscape is flat, no grass, few trees, and except near the northern end of the country, not even many hills to speak of.

I ended up going to bed before finishing this, so Today is now my last day here. I am still planning on making some phone calls. There are a few people I need to talk with that I haven't called yet and a few people I need to talk more with. I've still got some laundry to do and of course pack again for the trip back. I was planning on having that part done ahead of time, but we all know I tend to put things off. Plus denial makes it hard to prepare for something. Even sitting here now it's hard to think that this time tomorrow I will be on a plane.

I know that I have many friends to go back to, and a job that I am very good at, but it's hard to want to go back to a place where it doesn't feel we have a purpose. Certainly making Iraq safer for the Iraqis is a noble cause, I just don't see that it is our cause. Who are we to put an end to thousands of years of fighting? And what makes us think we even can? All I know is this, six months won't see the end of this war, and from what I understand my company already has its orders to go back, which means I'm definitely looking at a second tour before my contract expires, if I allow it to expire.

So before this becomes a whole book, I'll close by saying I'm ready to get this over with. I know no matter what I have time to finish there, and the sooner I get back the sooner I can be getting it over with. I'm just not looking forward to it.

As a final note, I'll be using my military e-mail address from now on in Taji. The internet there doesn't let me check my RoadRunner account, but I can still log into AKO. That address is jesse.c.pahman@us.army.mil for anyone who doesn't have it. I don't know how often I will be online, but I'm going to try to make it as often as possible.


As always with love and prayers,



PFC. Pahman, Jesse C.
United States Army
Camp Taji, Iraq

R&R at last

I'm home at last for R&R. I got in Friday afternoon and am just about recovered from the jet lag. Diana and I went on our date last night and when I'm more awake I'll make a separate blog entry about that, if Diana doesn't beat me too it. We upgraded our little network here at home so that I can use the internet wirelessly on my laptop while I'm home, unfortunately I disconnected the phone in the process it will be fine once I finish but for a few more hours or so the phone is off; the cell of course is unaffected. So to all those wondering, I'm safe, I'm happily home and adjusting to American air again; stupid allergies. I figure today will be a good day to make calls since it is Sunday and no one is at work; I just need a bit to finish the phone.

Love you all and I'll be in touch soon.

Jesse