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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Tuesday, August 14, 2007
0232 Zulu

Not many days left. We have our movement order now, although I still cannot disclose when we will be leaving. Somehow knowing exactly when we are leaving makes it more real. It was real enough to begin with, but now it seems impending. There is a very small part of me that is looking forward to going. It feels good to be defending my country in a way so many only talk about doing, there is a sense of duty here that is hard to describe. I am honored to be going, it means I have reached a certain level of standard that is considered to be acceptable by the United States Army. Additionally I know that the sooner we leave, the sooner we can talk about coming home, even thought that understandably is only a small comfort. On a deeper level the area of Iraq that I will be seeing is not to far from where the Euphrates and Tigris rivers come together, areas that many feel are close to if not the exact area where the Garden of Eden once was. So in that sense it is almost exciting to go, to be so close to lands that are talked about in the Bible, to be able to walk and see some of the same places that maybe Jesus was himself.
The atmosphere around the company and home has been quite somber. No matter how much or little we do now, no one can get their mind off of the fact that very soon we will be boarding a plane that is destined to take us nearly 3000 miles from our loved ones. Somehow I think the kids can tell. These past weeks home have been a blessing. I still do not know how to put into words that little Matty will be able to understand. He may just be the sweetest, smartest little two year old I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and I have no idea how to tell him that very soon his father will be leaving for nearly the length of time he is old. I know only God can bring him the peace I pray for him, for all of us. Christopher and Emma say they understand but I am sure they still do not fully realize what it is I am saying. How do you describe to someone three or four years old that their daddy is leaving for nearly a year and a half. I cannot even fathom what that is going to be like for me and I have 27 years of age and experience to draw on, yet nothing I have been through seems that it can prepare me for what I am going through now.

I know that all things are made possible through Christ Jesus, these are his own words. I know that if I am meant to return home to my family that I will. Further I know we are not supposed to ask why, that the Lord has a plan, and it is good and perfect. Yet knowing all of this does not alleviate the aching in my heart even now as I look to the coming days and months. I think it is part of what makes us human. Something about our nature. If this is true then it must also be good, for God would not have built it into us were it not meant to be there.

Tomorrow we are going through a gas chamber, primarily to make sure our masks work but also because, from what I understand, it is regularly required by the Army. It is practically the only thing we are doing this week, I'm not even sure we are doing PT anymore. Under more ordinary circumstances this would be more than welcomed, but I'd gladly do PT if it meant staying home, as I think many of us would.

I guess in closing I will just say to all following along, know that I will be fine. The Lord has put me in the hands of good leadership and given me the knowledge I need to do my job and return safely. At this point I can only pray that those I am leaving behind will be as well off without me home. Until I write again, know that you are in my prayers, and please keep me in yours.

God Bless.

4 comments:

JonesChronicles said...

This post is beautiful because this post is 'real.' Aching indicates loving, and the loving and aching are life. I wish there were a way to relieve some of the sadness, but when it comes to our children and our spouse, their is no way to lessen the love or the hurt. We will be praying for you, Diana, and the kids. We will await any opportunity that you have to post and will probably breathe a little easier knowing that you are still on the same earth...even though you are very far away! Love from all of us (Nick, Rachel, Nathan and...soon...Nia)

MOM JONES! said...

For the past few days it seems like I have been "breathing" prayer for all of you -- all throughout the day and many many times during the night as I awaken, I ask for the Lord's sweet presence and strength and mercy in your life, in Diana's, and the children. I have cried a lot, not because I am worried or anxious, but because you will be so very far from all of us (it's actually closer to 8,000 miles, Jes). Thanks for writing this. It means so much to me to hear your thoughts and the cries of your heart. You are all very much loved.

mom hand said...

Jesse: Dad and I have just read
your comments on leaving. They are
honest and direct from your heart.
That, in itself, is a gift. You
and Diana are both able to express
how you feel up front-no frills and
we are thankful for that, cause it
reality. I know the kid's can't
understand except to know you are
gone a l o n g time. For them, time isn't any kind of exact period. It's just now and a little
later from now. Even tho they don't understand, we know how much
they love you and Diana ; and how
proud they are. Same for us ya know.

Petra said...

Great work.